we all reach certain points in our lives where we realize things arent going the way we hoped... that's where i'm at now... so in an effort to try to talk my way through the scrolling marquees in my head and make sense of them all, the following is going to be a series of rambling that you may or may not be able to follow regarding things currently going on in my life...
[work] i hate my job. with a passion. after week one i decided that i wanted to go back to school to get my MBA so that i could surround myself with half way intelligent goal oriented people with a vocabulary that spans beyond the work ::fuck:: so what to do... i could stick it out for 6 months or so to add it to my resume and end up with a perpetual migraine and a hole in my tongue from constantly biting it... that's one option... i could stick it out until i find the next best thing, and potentially have the same problem... that's like being shot and saying ::thank you sir may i have another::, also could be fun... or option 3... quit tomorrow. work for the family business while throughly exploring all of my options and only accepting one that is genuinely right for me. tough call.
[school] as stated above i want to go back for my MBA now and UCF is kind enough to offer the 4 pre-requisites i need over the span on ONE YEAR, and they idiots?!?! and knowing me, i know i won't drive all the way over to the main campus for one stupid class. solution? take more classes. so while in the process of taking my 4 pre-reqs i'm also going to be taking the 6 classes i need for a minor in international business. okay so that seems pretty simple. now the tough part which kinda can't be decided until the [work] thing is figured out. do i take one full year off of work to get my MBA knocked out in a year or do i work while doing my MBA and it take 33 months to complete it... can't i just marry into the bacardi family...
[love] ummm...yeah. i'm gonna go with overrated... what's the point of loving someone if you can't shout it from the rooftops, if you can't show it by randomly showing up at their doorstep with flowers and carmel apples with nuts... if you can't wrap your arms around them as you're walking in the freezing cold to see a movie... if you can't sit across from them at dinner and hold their hand.... if you can't kiss them goodbye without looking to see who might be watching... what's the point... the point is, that despite all of that, i still love you, i still crave you, and i'd still do anything for you... even if that means only loving you in the shadows...
[religion] i've never been an overly religious person, i went to sunday school with my grandma when i was little, i do own a bible, and can recite a few passages, but that's about it. until recently. many things led up to this but this year i started attending church again for the first time in nearly 10 years. i'm still me, i still have the same beliefs and skepticisms, but i finally found a place that i can go where they don't care how i dress, how much money i have, what my profession is, how many tattoos i have, who i love, what kind of car i drive... all they care about is that i'm there... and that has made all the difference...
[family] my family is amazing, that's the one part of my life that is pleasantly confusing... my parents as always are traveling and spending my inheritance, as well they should, i've spent a lot of it myself... my mom just got a new motortrike, they're working on the property they own in TN, looking for land down here to expand their business on and i couldn't be prouder of them... my brother as well... he has grown up exponentially over the past 7 months or so with a baby fast approaching... on april 10, 2008 my family and i will welcome into the work kiki anais noir, my first niece...
[friends] i have the best friends anyone could ever ask for. i wish my life allowed me to spend more time with each and everyone of them but i know, if ever i need them they're there and i hope they know the same of me. my bestest friend in the whole wide world i love to death and though it all, all 19 years of our friendship, we've been hand in hand for the hard stuff, the sad stuff, and the ridiculously insane FFFT-like stuff... we've been through forks in the eye, 3rd degree sunburns, green hair, stingrays and jellyfish, black baby tees, toga parties and so, so much more...
[in closing] life is chaotic journey that i believe will one day take me to where i'm happy to go to work each day, satisfied with my educational achievements, openly in love with ::the one::, comfortable in my religious views, and surrounded by loving family and friends...
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