...another love has gone at last...
...one wish i have for you...
...is to be loved in all that you do...
...if you decide you want me again...
...i'll be waiting, let's re-begin...
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
...short & sweet...
...another love has gone at last...
...one wish i have for you...
...is to be loved in all that you do...
...if you decide you want me again...
...i'll be waiting, let's re-begin...
Sunday, April 13, 2008
...the end...
it's the end of the world as i know it...
AND I FEEL FINE...
[life] overall, things are good. finally getting to that place of contentment and there are very few people that know how hard it was for me to get here...
[love] there are a few ''prospectives'' in the works... but more importantly i no longer feel like i need 'that' someone. i've finally let go of what i can't have... and stopped losing sleep over someone that will never change... and its amazing how clearly you see people once the blinders of 'love' fade away...
[religion] i'm back to me... believing what i want, and practicing those beliefs how i want, where i want. and that doesn't involve "organized" religion... i gave it a try, it's not me... it was me trying to be who i thought you wanted... but epiphany! its not me and not what i want...
[work] love it! even though working with the fam can be stressful at times overall its great! and though the auction i feel like i've met 40 or so guys that will kick anyones ass for me... it's just a nice feeling...
and that's that. that's my hearts last reply.
its the end of the world as i know it...
AND I'VE NEVER FELT BETTER...
AND I FEEL FINE...
[life] overall, things are good. finally getting to that place of contentment and there are very few people that know how hard it was for me to get here...
[love] there are a few ''prospectives'' in the works... but more importantly i no longer feel like i need 'that' someone. i've finally let go of what i can't have... and stopped losing sleep over someone that will never change... and its amazing how clearly you see people once the blinders of 'love' fade away...
[religion] i'm back to me... believing what i want, and practicing those beliefs how i want, where i want. and that doesn't involve "organized" religion... i gave it a try, it's not me... it was me trying to be who i thought you wanted... but epiphany! its not me and not what i want...
[work] love it! even though working with the fam can be stressful at times overall its great! and though the auction i feel like i've met 40 or so guys that will kick anyones ass for me... it's just a nice feeling...
and that's that. that's my hearts last reply.
its the end of the world as i know it...
AND I'VE NEVER FELT BETTER...
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
...settelation...
so it's not a real word. don't give me shit about it. i can't have most of the things i want right now so at least let me have a warped vocabulary without prosecution.
[definition] settelation: noun. the process of realizing your world will never be what you want it to be. ; verb. the action of taking what you can get knowing you'll never have what you want.
this is where i'm at.
i don't like it.
i keep myself awake at night wondering what could have been, what should have been, what i did wrong, what i could have done to convince you to stay. so many things i wish i had done. said. provided. maybe if i opened up a bit more. maybe if i let you in.
i'm making myself sick. just the thought of someone elses lips on yours makes my stomach knot up, my throat close up, my teeth grind, my fists ball up and my eyes tear. knowing that you'll give someone else what you once said was mine alone.
i'm tough, but this is rough.
no telling what will take over, my insomnia or my insanity.
neither will be satisfying.
either will be the realization of my final settelation.
[definition] settelation: noun. the process of realizing your world will never be what you want it to be. ; verb. the action of taking what you can get knowing you'll never have what you want.
this is where i'm at.
i don't like it.
i keep myself awake at night wondering what could have been, what should have been, what i did wrong, what i could have done to convince you to stay. so many things i wish i had done. said. provided. maybe if i opened up a bit more. maybe if i let you in.
i'm making myself sick. just the thought of someone elses lips on yours makes my stomach knot up, my throat close up, my teeth grind, my fists ball up and my eyes tear. knowing that you'll give someone else what you once said was mine alone.
i'm tough, but this is rough.
no telling what will take over, my insomnia or my insanity.
neither will be satisfying.
either will be the realization of my final settelation.
Monday, March 24, 2008
...my world...
my world is a wonderful place...
[freedom] freedom to be who you are. no questions asked. to do what you want, when you want. to sleep in and eat breakfast at three o'clock in the afternoon. to love who you want. to live without worry or regret.
just days ago my world was perfect...
[perfection] i had no obligations. no where to be. no schedule. the perfect 'friend' by my side. great food. great company. no worries. sunny days. a cuddle buddy. a 'sparring' partner. my one true love.
and now my world has been turned upside down because of a mutual understanding...
[mutual understanding] the end to my world as i know it. as i want it to be. the end of wishful thinking. the boulevard of broken dreams. the start of a world i'll never be satisfied with. that i'll have to settle for. the start of the end.
:::...i walk this empty street on the boulevard of broken dreams... where the city sleeps and I'm the only one and I walk alone... my shadow's the only one that walks beside me... my shallow heart's the only thing that's beating... sometimes I wish someone out there will find me... 'till then I walk alone...:::
[freedom] freedom to be who you are. no questions asked. to do what you want, when you want. to sleep in and eat breakfast at three o'clock in the afternoon. to love who you want. to live without worry or regret.
just days ago my world was perfect...
[perfection] i had no obligations. no where to be. no schedule. the perfect 'friend' by my side. great food. great company. no worries. sunny days. a cuddle buddy. a 'sparring' partner. my one true love.
and now my world has been turned upside down because of a mutual understanding...
[mutual understanding] the end to my world as i know it. as i want it to be. the end of wishful thinking. the boulevard of broken dreams. the start of a world i'll never be satisfied with. that i'll have to settle for. the start of the end.
:::...i walk this empty street on the boulevard of broken dreams... where the city sleeps and I'm the only one and I walk alone... my shadow's the only one that walks beside me... my shallow heart's the only thing that's beating... sometimes I wish someone out there will find me... 'till then I walk alone...:::
Saturday, February 16, 2008
...letting go...
i hate to say it but i'm afraid its true
it's time to begin letting go of you
i can no longer take all the games we play
i can no longer hope that today is the day
no longer will i dream of you each night
no longer will you debate if its wrong or right
i must move on without you
but i love you, you know i do
i hate that we struggle each day
just hoping we can some how find a way
but we've tried, and inside i've died
over and over again, it's time to stop and re-begin
i hate to say it but i'm afraid its true
it's time to begin letting go of you
always remember the beach and our first kiss
your touch, your lips, i will always miss
a random movie and a bottle of wine
the thought of you one day being mine
rolling over to see your beautiful face
feeling my heart continually race
i hate that we struggle each day
just hoping we can some how find a way
but we've tried, and inside i've died
over and over again, it's time to stop and re-begin
i hate to say it but i'm afraid its true
it's time to begin letting go of you
laying on the couch, your arms around me
i don't believe it how could it be
on no level could i deserve you
no way i could be good enough, it's true
i wish there was a way this could be real
my heart was left for you to steal
i hate that we struggle each day
just hoping we can some how find a way
but we've tried, and inside i've died
over and over again, it's time to stop and re-begin
i hate to say it but i'm afraid its true
it's time to begin letting go of you
my heart it hurts once more
never will i love another, it hurts though to my core
you'll go on to find your prince
i wish you all the best, i hope now your life makes sense
no worries i'll be alright
i just can't take another internal fight
i hate that we struggle each day
just hoping we can some how find a way
but we've tried, and inside i've died
over and over again, it's time to stop and re-begin
i hate to say it but i'm afraid its true
i'll never be able to let go of you
no matter what you throw my way
i'll dream of us together one day
my heart will always be yours
with you by my side, we'll open life's doors
i long to spend my life with you by my side
better hold on, 'cause it's gonna be a wild ride
i love that we struggle each day
just to try and stay away
but we've tried, and even though i've cried
over and over again, its time to re-begin
my life with you
Monday, February 4, 2008
...moving on...
i'm not saying never... i'm saying not right now...
i'm not doing it for me... i'm doing it to save you...
people... there are 4 types of people in everyones life...
[1-those you want in your life] these are the people you can't live without... the people that bring a smile to your face anytime you see them, when you hear their voice or even their ringtone... these are the ones you're thankful are in your life and make your life nicer to live on a daily basis... and the ones you'd give your life for...
[2-those you don't] these are the people you wish would leave your life... the ones that make you cringe when you hear their voice, the ones that if you saw in a store you'd run the other way... and the ones that over time have made certain moments in your life a living hell...
[3-those that don't matter] these are the 'fillers'... the people you come across for only a moment in time... the ones you may vaguely recognize out in the world or refer to in conversations as 'remember that one guy at that place that time...'
[4-those you don't even know] these people are like the lottery... once you meet them they could fall into any of the above categories... they could end up being your worst enemy or the love of your life...
[where do we fit in] now take a look from the other side... how do people see you... which category do they put you in... if we all strive to go from 4s to 1s, settle for 3s and avoid 2s... wouldn't this be a better place...
i'm not doing it for me... i'm doing it to save you...
people... there are 4 types of people in everyones life...
[1-those you want in your life] these are the people you can't live without... the people that bring a smile to your face anytime you see them, when you hear their voice or even their ringtone... these are the ones you're thankful are in your life and make your life nicer to live on a daily basis... and the ones you'd give your life for...
[2-those you don't] these are the people you wish would leave your life... the ones that make you cringe when you hear their voice, the ones that if you saw in a store you'd run the other way... and the ones that over time have made certain moments in your life a living hell...
[3-those that don't matter] these are the 'fillers'... the people you come across for only a moment in time... the ones you may vaguely recognize out in the world or refer to in conversations as 'remember that one guy at that place that time...'
[4-those you don't even know] these people are like the lottery... once you meet them they could fall into any of the above categories... they could end up being your worst enemy or the love of your life...
[where do we fit in] now take a look from the other side... how do people see you... which category do they put you in... if we all strive to go from 4s to 1s, settle for 3s and avoid 2s... wouldn't this be a better place...
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